last time i was on here..
just reading the last journal entry i made, made me realise how much i personally have changed in 3 years. Now i've finished school, worked full time, had my heart broken time and time again, been kicked out of home, developed a drug addiction, and now i'm finally starting to put it beind me. To top it off i'm at uni. If you had told me 3 years ago that i would be sitting here, having experienced the things that i have been through i wouldn't have believed you for a second. so now, as i sit here procrastinating about mid semester exams which are coming up i thought it might be interesting to do the same quiz. End of the year survey
1. What did you do in 2008 that you'd never done before?
all the naughty things.. sex, every kind of illicit drug you could possibly think of, realised that boys are not the answer, earned extremely good money, been sacked, been fucked over by the people who for the last few years i believed i could depend on, got kicked out of home, became a drop out.. i only wish i could make a movie of the past year because it has been by far the most depressing, happy, influential part of my life so far.
2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year? my new years resolution of 2007/08 was to be in a stable relationship or some shit like that because i thought back then it would make me happy. by the end of the year i was in yet another dysfunctional relationship after a string of such relationships. i have now come to the conclusion that those who commit themselves to longterm relationships in their late teens or realy 20s are a either one of a combination of insane, emotionally needy, are so unattractive that they stay with the same person because nobody else would want them, or have deluded ideas about relationships in general. im sure this is offensive to many who read this
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
this was yet another thing about 08 that spun me out - people who i went to school with, grew up with are having babies at age 18. man if someone put a newborn baby in my hands i wouldnt have a clue what to do with it, there is nothing that scares me more then people my age reproducing!
4. Did anyone close to you die?
no
5. What countries did you visit?
stayed in perth
6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008? i would like to stick with uni and pay all my fees upfront. i would like to think that what i learned last year has set me up for a much more pleasent 2009.
7. What date from 2005 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
can't think of anything better at the moment, but december 1 as it was when the relationship began that almost restored my faith in love.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
biggest achievement was finding out that i had gotten into university, and that at least i would be getting out of the depressing cycle of crime and addiction that my peers would not be so fortunate to escape
9. What was your biggest failure? letting my faith in peoples good will allow me to be fucked over. i have 2 friend who stood by me the entire year, and they never gave me any reason to doubt them. now i wonder why i wasted so much time and emotion on people who simply didn't give a shit
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
developed cellulitis on my leg as a result of chasing a friend around a carpark and tripping over a speed hump. it probably wouldn't have been so bad if my mum (who is a nurse but hasn't been near a patient for 15 years) hadn't decided that she was still "the bomb" at nursing
11. What was the best thing you bought?
best thing i bought? that is a tough one, probably my various cars as well as my phone. because if i didn't have these then i would never have had the experience
12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
iains. he doesnt know it but just him being straight with me but always leaving my descisions up to me meant the most
13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
the premier's, particularly his stance on drug and crime policy. what these fatcats don't seem to want to deal with are the reasons people turn to drugs and crime, all they are worried about is punishing these things without dealing with the root of the problem
14. Where did most of your money go?
various cars, petrol, fast food, hair products etc etc
5. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
i got excited when certain boys messaged me back. i got excited when people acted like they cared. i got especially excited when me and adam started going out as i had a massive crush on him way back when i was 12 and it seemed too good to be true, which it was.
16. What songs will always remind you of 2008?
anything released in aussie hip hop in 2008
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? i am clinically depressed and anxious, but feel like i'm no longer lying to myself
ii. thinner or fatter? thinner
iii. richer or poorer? richer
18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
nothing really
19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
less of? i wish i'd spent less time stressing about things that people didn't do, rather then what they did do
20. How did you spend Christmas?
saw adams family, my family, then worked, then came home and played an extreme game of circle of death with candice and my housemate stacey which ended in my car being stolen :S
21. How will you be spending New Years?
i spent nye 2008/09 first in a hotel room with my housemates and candice, when the clock struck 12 we were standing outside the deen nightclub because candice had left her id in the hotel room and only realised 5 mins before the countdown was due to start. bummer hey!
22. Did you fall in love in 2008?
i said to someone that i did, and as stupid as this sounds i only really said it because i felt forced. Never again will i tell someone that i love them just so they dont feel awkward!
23. How many one night stands?
oh god back when i was 15 i was still a virgin which is why i didnt answer the question! i had one but it was with a very good friend and i expected it to go somewhere where it never really did because i was so unsure, i'm not the one night stand type
24. What were your favourite TV programmes?
underbelly and sex and the city!
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? hatred is a very strong emotion, i strongly resent what people have done but to me hate is when you would hurt someone intentionally which i would never do.
26. What was the best book you read?
didn't read anything really in 2008, too busy getting fucked up
27. What was your greatest musical discovery? that if i want to listen to backstreet boys and britney spears i can and that if someone doesn't like the music that i do it is not up to me to change myself to become more acceptable to them.
28. What did you want and get?
my job and university entrance
29. What did you want and not get?
good relationships really. i wanted to pay of my stolen car to my mother but that still hasn't happened either
30. What was your favourite film of this year?
australia, twighlight, the joker and waking life are the first that come to mind, 2008 was a very good year in movies though
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
i turned 18. i had been kicked out of home 2 weeks prior to the occasion which dampened it, and i think it was also on a monday which was even worse. i think i just had lunch with candice, turning 18 was a pretty shit day
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
when i look back on it now i am satisfied with all that i did, because all last year really was was my gap year in which you are allowed to go off the rails a little or a lot. i only wish that back then i was more self confident and wary of strangers
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008? jeans, thongs, tshirts, singlets, jumpers, and my work clothes when i felt like looking flash
34. What kept you sane?
candice living under the desk in my room for 3 months
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
john howard, i cried when i heard that kevin rudd had been elected
36. What political issue stirred you the most?
this has been around for a long time, but since i started working in the hospital i have become appalled at the level of mental health care which the government provides, as well as the funding given to public schools. i believe that the lack of resources is what has pushed crime rates through the roof over these years
37. Who did you miss? i didn't really miss anyone, don't like living in the past. i have come to the conclusion that if someone wants to catch up with you then they will and there is no point being upset because the other person in the friendship/relationship doesn't care anymore as there is nothing you can do.
38. Who was the best new person you met?
iain, well i met him end of 2007 but i will cheat
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008.
people will lie to benefit themselves personally as much as they like. you can't rely on people to do the right thing by you but the ones who consistently show that they will make an effort to anyway are the only ones worth hanging onto.
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
"And I'd give up forever to touch you 'Cause I know that you feel me somehow You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be And I don't want to go home right now And all I can taste is this moment And all I can breathe is your life 'Cause sooner or later it's over I just don't want to miss you tonight And I don't want the world to see me 'Cause I don't think that they'd understand When everything's made to be broken I just want you to know who I am And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming Or the moment of truth in your lies When everything feels like the movies And you bleed just to know you're alive"
i do realise that i just quoted the entire song, i think that iris by goo goo dolls is the only song that i have ever found that everyone likes which has meaning to every person. i love it.
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